Nope, this does look like a TOTAL BUTTFUCKER who is PLAGIARIZING my ideas. I hope nobody is low enough to buy this other zine, and that one of my fans is cool enough to disembowel this fuck with their bare hands...
Issue 4 Issue 6 Issue 7 Issue 8 Issue 9 Issue 10 Issue 11 Issue 12
"Dear Death" from Metal Curse #7:
Dear Death!
Dear Death:
I have been reading another zine with a column very similar to yours.
It's called "Dear Gravedigger" or something like this. I admit, in
general the column really SUCKS compared to yours, and I thought maybe the writer
was just some TOTAL COCKSUCKER, but then when I read it, a lot of the letters
seemed almost VERBATIM from some earlier Dear Death articles. Did you write
for this other zine?
-Confused in Colorado
Dear Confused:
Nope, this does look like a TOTAL BUTTFUCKER who is PLAGIARIZING
my ideas. I hope nobody is low enough to buy this other zine, and that one of
my fans is cool enough to disembowel this fuck with their bare hands...
What a coincidence:
Dear Death;
I've recently joined a cult. At first, I thought it would be fun.
But I find myself thinking about it all the time. It's consuming me. As though
it's not enough I've had sex with men who are disgusting, but since I refuse
to give these filthy fuckers blowjobs, they have decided to make me pick the
next kill. Granted, I enjoy and respect the cult, but I'm fairly new at this.
How should I get over my feelings against these dirty men, and who do I pick
for my next slaying?
-Slaying Slut from Ohio
Dear Slut:
What a letter. What a woman. I only wish I could have gotten to
her before my editor Ray had. I'm glad he passed out after 7 hours so I had
a turn too...
Anyway, I was going to have you torture and kill my ex-cunt, who I owe an evil
favor to (she likes an anal fist-fuck the best), BUT since we have found this
nice guy who likes me writing so much that he calls it his own... You figure
it out.
Dear Death:
I just got arrested for attempted vehicular manslaughter. What should
I do?
-Stoned in South Bend
Dear Stoned:
Get a haircut so you don't look like a taco.
Dear Death:
I must start by saying that I really enjoy your column for its creative
insight into the morbid. See, my grandfather recently died and I have been using
his rotting corpse to satisfy my frotteurism tendencies. However, it has been
several months and his body is starting to fall apart, especially in the jaw
area. Also, the neighbors are beginning to complain about the smell. Any suggestions?
-Into the decomposed in Idaho
Dear Into:
Shame, shame. You should NEVER just start to use a raw corpse for
sex. A few simple steps beforehand will ensure that it lasts for many years
of pleasure. Consider the following:
1. Refrigeration. This works great for storing a body, but it can be a little
nippy for necrophilia.
2. Bronzing. Great for heads and hands you want to cherish, but just doesn't
hold that flesh feeling you desire.
3. Taxidermy. The ultimate! This stuff kept Norman's mom going for three Psycho
movies. Highly recommended. Drawback: Slight aftertaste...
Well freaks, that's it for this time. I'd like to thank Ray for BUGGING THE FUCK OUT OF ME until I got this done. The winner of the death by papercut contest is still pending... Keep the entry photos coming in! 'Till PM DAWN starts covering ANAL CUNT songs... hang in there, ya bunch of degenerates...
